Tuesday, November 23, 2004
The idiocy of rodents
I have never in my life encountered a creaure as stupid as the squirrels who inhabit the campus quad.
Answer me this:
If you were innocently minding your own business -- eating, perhaps, a muffin -- on the side of the road, and you saw a car coming. Would you:
a) Stay put. You're content. You've got your muffin. Why move?
b) Quickly cross to the other side of the road. There's something you want over there -- more muffins, say -- and you really want to reach them before the car comes.
c) Run into the side of the car as it passes between you and the other side of the road.
If anyone picked c, allow me to please to introduce you to a few of my grey, fuzzy friends. I think you'll get along well.
These squirrels. They're cute. They're fuzzy. They scamper about the quad and chase each other when they're not digging for nuts. Sometimes, they sit up in trees and bark -- now that's a crazy sound. I'd never heard it before, but one evening as I walked to work, lo and behold, there's a squirrel, barking in the tree next to Hubbard Hall.
Usually, they stay well within the grassy areas and avoid the pathways.
Except!
Except when they see me coming on my bike.
Then, they stay still until I'm nearly next to them -- and leap out onto the path!
Most people can say they've hit a squirrel, a rabbit, a racoon, a snake, a mouse, a bird -- some other little creature -- with their car. Can they say they've been hit bya squirrel? I think not!
But it's happened to me on more than one occasion. They run head-first into the front wheel of my bike, bounce to the side, and then scamper off after their friends. I don't understand it. Are they making dares? Bets, perhaps, that they run across the path before the bike gets there? If so, they lose. Too slow!
Yesterday, however, one of them was a little quicker. He got right into the middle of the way at exactly the same time that my front tire hit the spot. I...yes, I ran over a squirrel. And he skidded beneath my tire for a full two feet -- it was impressive.
And probably incredibly painful. I know it was for me -- I was really hurting for the little guy. White tummy fur abused by black tire rubber, grey fuzz on his back rubbed against the black asphault of the 1918 Walkway? I think he's still alive -- or, at least, he was at 10:27 on Monday morning. Once the front tire was over him, he did a half-broken hop to the side of the path and huddled up underneath a tree. I circled back to make sure he'd gotten to safety, and then rode on to class.
Today, I saw a squirrel carcass on the side of the road in front of the library. It was quite squished. And I have to wonder: was this the same poor squirrel? Was he perhaps having psychological issues? Was he unloved? Suicidal? Throwing himself in front of moving vehicles not for the thrill, but to embrace the long, dark sleep of death?
This is the part where I should say that it brought mortality to the forefront of my mind. Rather, it brought my lunch to the forefront of my stomach, and I bolted across the street myself to escape the sight.
And tomorrow morning I leave for southern Maine to escape campus for the Thanksgiving holiday. I'll try to post from the roommate's house -- her family is wonderful and kind and taking me in for the weekend, and I expect to spend it doing as little homework as I can possibly get away with.
A happy Thanksgiving to everyone! And remember: be thankful you're not a squirrel.
Answer me this:
If you were innocently minding your own business -- eating, perhaps, a muffin -- on the side of the road, and you saw a car coming. Would you:
a) Stay put. You're content. You've got your muffin. Why move?
b) Quickly cross to the other side of the road. There's something you want over there -- more muffins, say -- and you really want to reach them before the car comes.
c) Run into the side of the car as it passes between you and the other side of the road.
If anyone picked c, allow me to please to introduce you to a few of my grey, fuzzy friends. I think you'll get along well.
These squirrels. They're cute. They're fuzzy. They scamper about the quad and chase each other when they're not digging for nuts. Sometimes, they sit up in trees and bark -- now that's a crazy sound. I'd never heard it before, but one evening as I walked to work, lo and behold, there's a squirrel, barking in the tree next to Hubbard Hall.
Usually, they stay well within the grassy areas and avoid the pathways.
Except!
Except when they see me coming on my bike.
Then, they stay still until I'm nearly next to them -- and leap out onto the path!
Most people can say they've hit a squirrel, a rabbit, a racoon, a snake, a mouse, a bird -- some other little creature -- with their car. Can they say they've been hit bya squirrel? I think not!
But it's happened to me on more than one occasion. They run head-first into the front wheel of my bike, bounce to the side, and then scamper off after their friends. I don't understand it. Are they making dares? Bets, perhaps, that they run across the path before the bike gets there? If so, they lose. Too slow!
Yesterday, however, one of them was a little quicker. He got right into the middle of the way at exactly the same time that my front tire hit the spot. I...yes, I ran over a squirrel. And he skidded beneath my tire for a full two feet -- it was impressive.
And probably incredibly painful. I know it was for me -- I was really hurting for the little guy. White tummy fur abused by black tire rubber, grey fuzz on his back rubbed against the black asphault of the 1918 Walkway? I think he's still alive -- or, at least, he was at 10:27 on Monday morning. Once the front tire was over him, he did a half-broken hop to the side of the path and huddled up underneath a tree. I circled back to make sure he'd gotten to safety, and then rode on to class.
Today, I saw a squirrel carcass on the side of the road in front of the library. It was quite squished. And I have to wonder: was this the same poor squirrel? Was he perhaps having psychological issues? Was he unloved? Suicidal? Throwing himself in front of moving vehicles not for the thrill, but to embrace the long, dark sleep of death?
This is the part where I should say that it brought mortality to the forefront of my mind. Rather, it brought my lunch to the forefront of my stomach, and I bolted across the street myself to escape the sight.
And tomorrow morning I leave for southern Maine to escape campus for the Thanksgiving holiday. I'll try to post from the roommate's house -- her family is wonderful and kind and taking me in for the weekend, and I expect to spend it doing as little homework as I can possibly get away with.
A happy Thanksgiving to everyone! And remember: be thankful you're not a squirrel.
5 Comments:
This was probably a bit traumatic...but it was so comically written, I'm nominating "Throwing himself in front of moving vehicles not for the thrill, but to embrace the long, dark sleep of death?", as quote of the month. Funny stuff :)
Oddly enough, squirrels at UF weren't much different. I had to use my cat like reflexes to avoid these daredevils on more than one occation while flying around on my bike. There was one particular spot that they seemed to always happen too! It was on a particular slope on a "quad" we called the Green Banana. The bushes they would fly out from was from the Student Union. It was so funny that you said they would bounce off the bike, because that's exactly what happens. Except one time, an amazing thing, I'll never forget this. I was coming back to my dorm from calculus class. I was around this time of year too btw, and in the morning. I was speeding down that particular slope too and out of the corner of my eye I spot that familiar streak of grey. But it was a close one, so I cringe, I try not to look, I can't believe the thing streaks away on the other side. It literally ran between the tires and the rotating pedals. Not a super squirrel feat if I was going on my own power...no, I was flying down that slope.
Squirrels must be God's reminder to laugh at some of the crazy things that we do to ourselves.
Oddly enough, squirrels at UF weren't much different. I had to use my cat like reflexes to avoid these daredevils on more than one occation while flying around on my bike. There was one particular spot that they seemed to always happen too! It was on a particular slope on a "quad" we called the Green Banana. The bushes they would fly out from was from the Student Union. It was so funny that you said they would bounce off the bike, because that's exactly what happens. Except one time, an amazing thing, I'll never forget this. I was coming back to my dorm from calculus class. I was around this time of year too btw, and in the morning. I was speeding down that particular slope too and out of the corner of my eye I spot that familiar streak of grey. But it was a close one, so I cringe, I try not to look, I can't believe the thing streaks away on the other side. It literally ran between the tires and the rotating pedals. Not a super squirrel feat if I was going on my own power...no, I was flying down that slope.
Squirrels must be God's reminder to laugh at some of the crazy things that we do to ourselves.
Hey
I really liked this post! I've always told people that squirrels are the stupidest animals, but no one seemed to beleive me! you know how many times I've been in a car that we had to stop just cuz some stupid squirrel froze in the middle of the road? and they just stay there forever, starring at you as if they think youre just going to go away. Hmm...on the other hand, maybe they just want to annoy us and are smarter than we think they are...
I really liked this post! I've always told people that squirrels are the stupidest animals, but no one seemed to beleive me! you know how many times I've been in a car that we had to stop just cuz some stupid squirrel froze in the middle of the road? and they just stay there forever, starring at you as if they think youre just going to go away. Hmm...on the other hand, maybe they just want to annoy us and are smarter than we think they are...
I haven't had a squirrel do this, but I have had a gopher and a rabbit do it. Actually, I managed to avoid hitting both. I had a deer cross my path as well, but it was a bit further ahead than the rabbit or the gopher.
actually, the gopher was the funniest. The rabbit at least darted straight across the path. The gopher ran to the middle of the road, saw my bike and then took off straight in front of me. I followed it for about 10 or 15 metres before it veered off into the ditch. A Kamikaze gopher for sure.
actually, the gopher was the funniest. The rabbit at least darted straight across the path. The gopher ran to the middle of the road, saw my bike and then took off straight in front of me. I followed it for about 10 or 15 metres before it veered off into the ditch. A Kamikaze gopher for sure.
I'm using this space to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving Arwyn. Have a great relaxing time and get some good writting in. Wish you could be with family, but being with friends family is also nice.
Enjoy! :)
Enjoy! :)
We were just talking about this at dinner today -- my wife's nephew just had a squirrel attack the side of his SUV ...